Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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