watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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