What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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