You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
