I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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