I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
