you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
