Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
