My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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