There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
