got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
