Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
its liver damage thursday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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