she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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