Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
