There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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