I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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