I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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