Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
