38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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