It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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