my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
