A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
