fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize