my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
