What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
