My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
