dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
