I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
