...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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