Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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