so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
