Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
