she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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