His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
