Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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