I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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