it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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