goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
