I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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