I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize