Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
