you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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