I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
