It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
