you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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