DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
