i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
