I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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