I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
