So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
