They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
