if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
