I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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