yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
