I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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