sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
