he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
