I wannas sexs uuuuu
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize