I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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