Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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