I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
