yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
