____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
