Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
