if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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