i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's always time for handjobs
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
