Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
