U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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