I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
