He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
