No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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