I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
