It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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