And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
