Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
