he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize