i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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