so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
