Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
