So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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