My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
