Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
