There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
