you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
