i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
