Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I CAN MOONWALK!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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