Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
