dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
