I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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