i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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