I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So many bounce houses so little time
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
