my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
high people should be assigned attendants
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
