we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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