he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize