I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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